


How You Ever Gonna Know

by 852_Prospect_Archivist



Category: The Sentinel
Genre: First Times, M/M, Song Lyrics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-10
Updated: 2013-05-10
Packaged: 2017-12-11 03:55:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,013
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/793706
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/852_Prospect_Archivist/pseuds/852_Prospect_Archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It takes a country-concert for the boys to reveal their true feelings.</p>
            </blockquote>





	How You Ever Gonna Know

**Author's Note:**

> Notes: This is the first TS story I've ever written. I'm not a native speaker. Even though my spell-check (used the Canadian) is pretty clever, it cannot detect grammar errors or words used in the wrong sense. Feel free to point these things out to me. Feedback is highly craved. Positive, negative whatever. Flames are laughed at and will be deleted immediately. 
> 
> When I cleaned my apartment the other day I listened to one of my favourite country-artists, Garth Brooks, and sang along with the songs. Singing this particular song, I came up with the story idea. I sat down and started to write. I borrowed the title as well, but I changed one little word in the song lyrics, blink, and you miss it. 
> 
> Thanks to my wonderful friend Rike, who brought me into TS-fandom and introduced me to slash in the first place. Thanks for encouraging me to write and for the quick beta. Love you, Honey! 
> 
> Feedback to Iloveblueeyes@anywhereusa.com

## How You Ever Gonna Know

by Eaglefeather

Author's disclaimer: Disclaimer: We all know Jim and Blair and the guys from the bullpen belong to PetFly, not me, sad enough. Nor do I own the songs by Garth Brooks. No copyright infringement intended in either way. Don't sue me. All I own is a twelve year old car and my computer. The first isn't worth anything and the second - you'll only get that over my dead body! ;-)

* * *

Blair checked his looks in the large mirror in his room. He felt a little ridiculous. Well, it wasn't the jeans, he wore them often, they fitted like a second skin. And it wasn't the shirt. Even though he kinda had outgrown western-style denim shirts. Where was that belt? He started searching through his drawers and in the back corner he found what he was looking for. A broad leather belt with a large belt buckle in the form of an eagle. He laughed at himself. //Have I really been wearing things like these a couple of years ago?// he asked himself as he slid the belt through the loops of his jeans. He put a silver earring that was formed like a feather in and looked down at his old worn western boots. He hadn't worn them in a long time and felt a little uneasy with the heel. But he liked the swaying walk they gave him. With one last look in the mirror he brushed his hand through his long curls, grabbed the red bandanna from the bed and stepped through the french doors of his room. 

"I can't believe Megan talked us into this. Okay, the country singer is her friend. But why do we have to dress up as if we were going to a costume party?" He realised that Jim was nowhere in sight. 

"Jim? Where are you? Could you give me a hand with...." He stopped in his tracks and his jaw dropped when Jim came walking down the stairs from his room. 

The other man was dressed all in black. Black western boots with beautiful ornaments, black jeans, a black belt with an even larger buckle than Blair's, a black shirt with white embroideries around the shoulders and - to top it - a black Stetson. 

With an amused smile in the corner of his mouth he slowly walked down the stairs, feeling Blair's appreciative looks and asked "Give you a hand with what, Chief?" 

Blair rapidly blinked as if he wanted to bring himself back to the here and now. "Errrr - the bandanna, Jim. I never seem to be able to knot it right. Either it's too loose or it's too tight." 

Jim took the bandanna, stepped behind Blair and wrapped it around his throat. "Lift your hair, will you? Otherwise I might knot some hair in and I guess, you won't like that, eh?" 

Blair did as he was told. 

"They're here. I hear them coming up the stairs" Jim said while he knotted the bandanna. 

"Thanks, man" Blair gave himself an investigating look in the mirror, then headed for the door and opened it before anybody had the chance to knock. 

"Hi guys! Come on in! We're ready in a minute!" 

Megan, followed by Simon, Rafe and H entered the loft. All of them were dressed pretty similar to Blair. Boots, jeans, black or blue denim shirts. Rafe wore a hat that made him look like a younger version of Mel 

Gibson's Maverick. Simon had a star-shaped sheriff's badge attached to his chest. 

"Don't ask!" he growled as Blair pointed at it with a grin. "It's from Darryl's last Halloween costume. He didn't let me leave without it" 

"Hey, we told you, it looks good. You're the Captain, after all" H joked. 

"You're looking good, Blair" Megan said and then turned to eye Jim. "WOW! Where did you get _that_ outfit? This is perfect!" 

"I was into country music a _looooong_ time ago." Jim explained "And there's nothing like the right outfit to get in the mood" he smugged. 

"Okay guys" Megan said enthusiastically "Everybody's got their tickets? Let's go. Michelle's waiting." 

* * *

When the group entered the hall, Simon complained "Where are the seats?" 

"Micky always says that there's more atmosphere when people have enough room to move and dance to the music. She doesn't like to perform in front of folks that are glued to their seats, so no seats tonight, Simon!" 

"Awwww! Do they know how old I am?" he murmured. 

"Maybe we can ask the security guys to bring you a chair?" Jim grinned. 

"But that might get in the way when we start a line dance." Rafe threw in. 

Simons face fell "Line dance? Nobody said anything about dancing!" 

"We show you how it works" Blair tried to sound confidential. 

"I gotta go backstage to say Hi to Micky. I'll find you guys later" With that Megan disappeared in the crowd. 

"Guess that means, that we have to find ourselves a good place to stand" H mused. 

They made their way through the crowd until they found some space not too far from the stage and decided that it was the perfect spot for them. 

Blair couldn't keep his eyes off Jim. //Hope he doesn't notice that I'm watching him. He'll beat the shit out of me if he does. And that would be the end of living with him. But he looks soooo good tonight// Horrified he noticed that his body was about to react to his thoughts and looked the other way. "So, what are we tonight?" he asked, looking at Rafe "The Cartwrights?" 

H laughed "Then you get to be Little Joe, Hairboy!" 

"I'm Adam!" Rafe said. 

"Then I'm Pa" Simon said, grinning "He's the oldest, the wisest and leaves the fighting _and_ the dancing to his sons". 

"Hey!" H yelled "I don't want to be Hoss!" 

Jim didn't participate in the teasing. He just stood there, his thumbs tucked behind his belt buckle, staring at Blair. //God, the kid looks great tonight. And if he doesn't stop wiggling his jeans-clad ass about like that, I'm gonna loose it and throw him down right here and show him what that old cowboy still can do. But that'll make him leave. So, Cowboy, behave yourself// By sheer willpower he forced down what he felt in his groin. 

"Jim! Jim?" 

He snapped out of his thoughts "What? I'm sorry, I didn't listen" 

"We said, we are the Cartwrights tonight. But who are you?" H explained. 

"Jim is the mysterious stranger" Rafe swayed his hand slowly, creating the scene "A hired killer" he said in a I-tell-you-a-ghost-story-voice, "who came to town because " he stopped dramatically, "some crook put out a bounty on...." looked from one to the other and finished "Little Joe's head!" 

The "Cartwrights" laughed and H said "Watch out, Hairboy! Jim's gonna hunt you down!" 

//I wish he would// Blair thought //But that cowboy is straight as die. Which I thought I was before I met him. I don't stand a chance// 

He didn't notice that Jim was watching him too //Hunting him down, all right. Love to do that. But that'll ruin it all. I'd rather just have him around as a friend than not to have him at all.// When he realised that Blair was staring at him he gave him a wry smile. 

Rafe, H and Simon exchanged glances as Megan came back. 

"Good that I found you. The show will start in a couple of minutes. Boy, this hall is crowded" she said. 

"Yeah, your friend seems to be quite popular" Simon smiled. "So let's see what she can do" 

* * *

The crow cheered when Michelle Kadison entered the stage. She didn't look too much like the "common female country singer". She had no long romantic curls and didn't wear a fancy country-style dress. She didn't even have a guitar around the neck. She had short, dark hair and was wearing nearly the same outfit as Blair. 

As the crowd cheered, she stepped up to the microphone "Gooood eevening, Cascade!" she yelled and the crowd cheered even more. 

"Howdy! How's everybody?" she asked. 

"I didn't hear you! So: HOW IS EVERYBODY?" she shouted over the cheering crowd, turned to her band and gave them a sign and started the show. Her voice was unexpectedly dark but very melodic. 

The folks in the hall started to sing along, clapping their hands to the rhythm. 

The country mood finally took over the "Cartwrights", Megan and Jim. They swayed to the music. While Jim just tapped his right foot to the rhythm, his thumbs still stuck behind his belt buckle, Blair, Rafe, Megan and H danced and Simon clapped. 

While the concert went on, the crowd did some line-dances and Blair and Rafe had a lot of fun teaching Simon the steps. 

//Oh boy// Blair thought //Jim knows the steps to these dances. Never thought he once was into this whole country-thing. He is a good dancer. And I finally have to stop these thoughts I'm having!// 

Jim enjoyed himself dancing. //Here's something you can learn from me, kiddo. You might have all the moves but these boots have a lot more experience!// and then //Stop it, Ellison. Stop it. You'll only get yourself into trouble. And you can't survive without the kid. If he'd only stop tossing his hair back over his shoulder like that!// 

* * *

"WE WANT MORE. WE WANT MORE." ringed through the hall two hours later \- for the second time. 

"Even though she doesn't have own songs and just covers she's great" Blair shouted over the noise. 

The others nodded, clapped and yelled "WE WANT MORE" 

Michelle entered the stage again, smiling broadly, giving the applause back to the crowd. She sang a slow song by Michael Peterson. 

After the song she checked back with the band, took the mike again and started to tell what the next song was and why she had chosen it, like she had done with most of the songs throughout the evening. 

"Okay, you guys. You are great. We never ever had a better crowd than tonight!" 

When the cheers settled she went on "We'll do one more song for you. But this is gonna be the last one. Okay, this next song. To be honest, we didn't have it in the line-up for tonight. Though it's a great song. A friend approached me before the show and asked me to do it for some friends of hers. The song is called "How you ever gonna know" and it's by Garth Brooks. So, Jim and Blair, this one's for you!" 

That old wind that's whippin' out there  
It's whistlin' your tune  
That wind blew pyramids to Egypt  
And footprints to the moon 

And that old star that you been wishin' on  
Is shinin' mighty bright  
But it's the fire inside your heart  
That's gonna lead you to the light 

How you ever gonna know  
What it's like to live there  
How you ever gonna know victory  
How you ever gonna know  
What it's like when dreams become reality  
How you ever gonna know  
How it feels to hold him  
How you ever gonna know  
What it's like to dance  
How you ever gonna know  
If you never take a chance 

You know failure isn't failure  
If a lesson from it's learned  
I guess love would not be love  
Without a risk of being burned 

Anything in life worth havin'  
Lord, it has its sacrifice  
But the gift that you're receiving  
Is worth more than the price 

How you ever gonna know  
What it's like to live there  
How you ever gonna know  
What you never knew  
How you ever gonna know  
If you're down here doin'  
What the good Lord put you here to do  
How you ever gonna know  
If you could have done it  
How you ever gonna know  
How it feels to fly  
How you ever gonna know  
If you never dare to try 

Listen not to the critics  
Who put their own dreams on the shelf  
If you want to get the truth to admit it  
You gotta find out for yourself 

How you ever gonna know  
What it's like to be there  
How you ever gonna know  
If you're the best  
How you ever gonna know  
What you believe in  
If you don't put it to the test  
How you ever gonna know  
How it feels to hold him  
How you ever gonna know  
What livin' means  
How you ever gonna know  
If you never chase the dream 

How you ever gonna know  
Your potential  
How you ever gonna know victory  
How you ever gonna know  
What it's like when dreams  
Become reality  
How you ever gonna know  
How it feels to hold him  
How you ever gonna know  
What it's like to dance  
How you ever gonna know  
If you never take the chance 

* * *

On their way back to the loft, they didn't talk. Jim was driving, as always, keeping his eyes on the road. 

//Oh boy. That song was for us. Am I that obvious? Megan made her perform the song. Megan knows me much better than I thought. The lyrics hit me right to the core. How I ever gonna know? I'll never know. I just can't tell the kid. He will leave. I'm glad if he doesn't leave after that. But how I ever gonna know?// 

Blair was staring out of the side window. 

//Man, I really have to talk to Megan. If she sees that I've fallen for Jim, she doesn't need to tell a hall full of people! Especially not Jim! But how I ever gonna know? Not at all. I never gonna know. I never dare to try. If I did I'd find myself out in the street. I can be glad if I don't find my stuff moved out of the loft by tomorrow morning. But how I ever gonna know?// 

* * *

When they reached the door to the loft, Jim unlocked, pushed the door open and let Blair in. He entered after the younger man, closed the door and locked it properly. He turned to find Blair standing rooted to the spot in the middle of the room, staring at him. He shoved his Stetson a little bit back on his head and took a deep breath. 

"Blair" 

"Jim" said Blair at the exact same moment. 

They both grinned shyly. 

"Blair" Jim tried again "This song." 

"Yeah" said Blair, not daring to breath. //Oh my gosh! It's over! He's throwing me out! If he only let me say what I gotta say first// 

//This is not gonna be easy// Jim breathed deeply again //But I gonna know it now. Once and for all// 

"She said it was for us. And it made me think" 

//Here it comes. He's kicking me out.// Blair closed his eyes and waited for the inevitable. 

But instead of Jim exploding, yelling at him, finally ending their partnership, he found himself embraced by Jim, his lips covered by Jim's. 

//What am I doing? Oh my God, he doesn't respond. It's over! I ruined it.// Jim drew back. 

//What? Jezuz! He's kissing me! And I can't move a muscle! He's really kissing me!!// Blair opened his eyes and as Jim drew back, he flung his arms around the older man, tilted his head back and offered his face to be kissed again. 

"You sure?" Jim whispered anxiously. 

"Never been surer of anything in my life" Blair whispered back. 

They kissed again, gently at first. After a while their kiss became more demanding, tongues exploring, hands moving, bodies pressing together. 

When they broke for air, Blair panted and laid his head back in the neck. Jim threw his hat towards the couch and took the opportunity to kiss Blair's throat. He brushed back Blair's hair and nuzzled the spot right under Blair's left ear, then moved down to the spot where the throat met the collar bone. Blair groaned deep inside his chest. 

The blood gathered in Jim's groin and he felt himself grow hard. And through the layers of their jeans he felt Blair growing hard as well. But suddenly Blair drew back, bringing his hands between them he shoved Jim back a little bit, his eyes wide with fear. 

"I'm sorry, Chief! I thought that's what you wanted. I ...." Jim stammered. 

Blair grabbed Jim by the shirt, not allowing him to withdraw. "That's not it, Jim. It was what I wanted. It's just...." 

"...that you don't want it anymore?" Jim asked. 

"Yes, I mean no, no yes, I want it. I just never....." Blair's voice trailed off. 

"You never what, Chief?" 

"....been with a man....." Blair whispered. 

"You never been with a man before?" 

Blair shook his head, holding Jim's gaze. 

"Don't worry, Chief" Jim said softly. "Let me be the Guide this time. You're a clever guy, you'll learn fast" He joked, trying to ease Blair's tension. 

Blair smiled shortly but then went back to his worried look. 

"What's wrong, Chief?" 

"Tonight? You mean, tonight? I....." 

"What, Blair? Tell me what's bothering you!" 

"I wanted this to be special. You know, a nice dinner, candles, stuff like that. And now...." 

"Now we come back from a concert, are shot and have to get up early tomorrow, that's what's bothering you?" 

"Yeah, kinda." 

"You're right. It has to be special and it wouldn't be half as special as you wanted it, if we did anything tonight." 

"We already did a lot tonight" Blair said, slightly grinning. 

"Yeah, we did. Didn't we?" Jim drew Blair back in close. "But how about we try how it feels to just sleep in one bed? How does that sound for starters?" 

"I think, I can do that. Sounds good" 

They kissed again, very gently and sweet and then Jim took Blair by the hand and lead him up the stairs and they both finally knew. 

End 

Okay, so, waddaya think? As I said in part 0, I'm a feedback-slut. Drop me a line at Iloveblueeyes@anywhereusa.com!!! Thank you kindly. 


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